hurts when you hurt.
Boy am I blessed. As you could probably tell these last few days have been hard for me. I don't normally get so self-possessed for such an extended period of time. Mother's Day has been hard for me since my early 30's but this year was the worst yet...and I think it was probably because of having the hysterectomy at Christmas time...it was like this year was the final....FINAL. I just couldn't shake it.
I prayed. I confessed my self-centeredness. I went out and purposely did activities to get my mind off of ME...and still....deep inside my heart was just so sad....not mad.....sad.
Today I called my Mom and got to share with her what she has meant to me....for me, Mother's Day is about her.
But tonight -- my honey did something that melted my heart and took so much of my sadness away. He had kind of left me alone -- letting me deal with things in my way -- but this afternoon he called and asked if I would come over for dinner. When I did, he had a special evening planned for me. Roses at my table setting. A lovely glass of wine....and a dinner that was to die for...all laid out on a wooden plank. It was like we were in a fancy restaurant...but it was just us two. He got HUGE points for presentation.
Then he gave me a WONDERFUL card. In case you don't know this about me -- I LOVE to give and receive cards. Receiving them allows me to pull them back out and read them again and again...recalling the moment or the sentiment attached to them. Royce has learned this about me and is great at giving me cards....but this one had a special touch to it. Where Happy Mother's Day was...he had cut and pasted J - A - N- N from magazines and post-it notes....so he made it into a Happy Jann Day card. He touched my heart by the words in the card...but he made me laugh at his attempt to "scrapbook" that all the sadness just spilled out with my laughter and my heart became light again.
Ok...so I am not a Mom. I am Jann (and today I had a Happy Jann Day!)...and I am who God created me to be -- and if I keep moping around I am not fulfilling His calling for my life...so I am going to let my heart be light...and rejoice in ALL the blessings I do have. One of which is a wonderful man in my life willing to "scrap" me happy!
Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are Moms. I don't want to take anything away from you...I rejoice with you that you have little ones...and some not so little ones in your care. And I know that being a Mom comes with a whole other set of trials....so I pray for you often.